HOUSTON — In an exclusive leak, Union City Post uncovered an insidious plan by the United States Air Force. By combining female pheromones with warfare, the Air Force planned to drop giant gay bombs upon our enemies, transforming them into raging homosexuals.
SEATTLE — Local officials were shocked to see an innocent Christmas tree maimed by a barbaric atheist yesterday evening.
WARNING: DISTASTEFUL IMAGERY BELOW
The Seattle District Attorney is launching an investigation and will press charges against the perpetrator. Meanwhile, friends and family of Mr. Tree mourn their loss.