In-Depth: The Real Reason The Nazis Lost World War II

There are many theories surrounding the military defeat of Nazi Germany in World War II. One of the most popular suggests that Adolf Hitler, the supreme Chancellor of Germany, overcommitted on his offensive in Russia. Another suggests that the West outsmarted the Axis in its invasion of Normandy. However, in-depth research suggests that the Nazis’ military failures came not from outside, but from within. And it all started in 1920, when the German National Socialist Workers’ Party adopted the Swastika as its symbol.

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If you look closely, you can see that the Swastika is composed of four Ls combined together.

The Swastika, originating in Asia, has taken on many different meanings for many different cultures. However, upon further study of the symbol, the Swastika is indeed composed of four L symbols. Which means that in the course of World War II, the Axis Powers took four Ls. Two for the two nukes dropped on Japan. Another for Germany. And the final for Italy. How can the Nazis win a war if they take an L? Isn’t an L the opposite of the W? If you really think about it, the true reason the Nazis lost is because they took four Ls.

“The L is the universal machination of failure.”

Dick Overy, British historian and editor of The Complete History of the World said on the matter that “The L is the universal machination of failure. If you wanted to succeed in war, you would only seek out the W. We’ve seen it throughout history. George W. Bush won the Iraq war because he already had the W before began. Fortunately for the rest of the world, the Nazis gave themselves four Ls.”

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Incredible! Local High Schooler Uncovers Massive Fake News Stockpile

WISCONSIN — Local high schooler Gus Johnson uncovered a massive collection of Fake News. After stalking the Fake News for several grueling minutes, he pounced on the collection, startling it. The Fake News, frightened, scampered away. Johnson is heralded as a hero throughout Wisconsin.

America Develops Gay Bomb To Turn Enemy Soldiers Into Raging Homosexuals

HOUSTON — In an exclusive leak, Union City Post uncovered an insidious plan by the United States Air Force. By combining female pheromones with warfare, the Air Force planned to drop giant gay bombs upon our enemies, transforming them into raging homosexuals.

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The end result of exposure

Act Of War? Iran Bans All Travel From United States Citizens

WASHINGTON–On Saturday, Iran announced a travel ban on all U.S. citizens, according to Reuters. Only one year since the historic Iran Nuclear Deal was implemented, relations between Washington and Tehran seem to be unexpectedly souring.

“While respecting the American people…Iran will implement [a travel ban on all American citizens],” a statement from the Iranian foreign ministry said. Iranian president Hassan Rouhani has stated that actions taken by newly-inaugurated American president Trump are a “gift to extremists,” signifying a significant Iranian realignment back to extreme anti-Americanism.

Seen by many Americans as an act of war, Rouhani’s decision to ban all travel comes at a very critical point in relations between the United States and Iran.

On Tuesday morning, Iran-backed Houthi rebels attacked a Saudi warship off of the coast of Yemen. Reports confirm that the rebels were yelling “Death to America, death to Israel” while firing missiles at the Saudi ship. According to this coalition, three suicide vessels were also involved with the attack on this ship.

On Monday, the Iranian military conducted a ballistic missile test. According to United States officials, this was a clear violation of a resolution passed by the United Nations soon after the Iran Nuclear Deal was approved. Per U.N. resolution 2231, Iran was very clearly not allowed to conduct these nuclear tests.

The future of Washington-Tehran relations looks bleak, and with the hardline stance taken by president Trump combined with the increasing extremism and acts of war from Rouhani, the United States may be looking at a serious conflict in the middle east very soon.

Diversity Win! This Man Puts White And Colored Clothing Together In Laundry

If you love hearing heartwarming stories about ordinary people doing extraordinary things for society, wait until you hear about this guy.

Meet Jared Barkley, a financial planner from Tucson, Arizona. He may not seem like the most likely hero for diversity in America, but Thursday afternoon, he made a step for inclusivity in a huge way: While doing laundry, Jared mixed the colored and white clothing together as one load.

Wow. This display of love and inclusivity is simply amazing!

“Society has never been accepting of integration between white and colored clothing,” said Jared “but I have realized that when clothes of multiple colors come together as one load of laundry, everything becomes more beautiful.” Inspiring!

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But the initial integration of different colored clothing wasn’t even the best thing that happened. Once the laundry was done, all of the colors in the load of laundry mixed together! Incredible!

This is exactly the type of everyday action that we all could be partaking in to further the cause for inclusivity. Thank you so much, Jared.

Atheist Brutally Murders Tree in Rapidly Escalating War on Christmas

SEATTLE — Local officials were shocked to see an innocent Christmas tree maimed by a barbaric atheist yesterday evening.

WARNING: DISTASTEFUL IMAGERY BELOW

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The Murder Scene

The Seattle District Attorney is launching an investigation and will press charges against the perpetrator. Meanwhile, friends and family of Mr. Tree mourn their loss.

New Technology Reduces Lifespans, Millenials Overjoyed

BOSTON — The Massachusetts Institute of Technology recently prototyped a new machine that may quickly become the next big thing among youngsters today. The lead developer, Martin Colfer, created the first appliance that helps those of us who continue to waste oxygen finally quit the habit. Dubbed the “Unbreather”, the device consists of nylon fiber wound into a circle, called the “noose”, paired with a metal cylinder, called a “bucket”, that goes underneath the nylon piece. The user places their neck inside the fiber section, gets on the metal cylinder, and then kicks the bucket.

College sophomore Ashley Reefs is excited about the development, noting:

I’ve been shopping wide and far to finally end my miserable little life, and the good fellows at MIT might just have solved my problems once and for all. You see, I’m SICK of those darned scientists and engineers constantly developing new machinery that only extends my life. They never stop for a moment and ask if I wanted to end it short. Now, I can. I know what I’ll be getting myself this Christmas!

Reefs plans on purchasing at least 3 more Unbreathers before the year ends. She hopes to impress her friends with such thoughtful gifts. The developers at MIT note that this is a fabulous celebratory gift for anyone at anytime.

Unbreathers go on sale in May 2017, with an MSRP of $69.99